btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
