Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
