Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
