I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
