i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
