I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize