I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
