maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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