i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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