Plan B is the new Plan A
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
