The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
