The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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