Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
