I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You're like the curious george of whores
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
