i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
