Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
