just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
