Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sext me about skeletons
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
