Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
