oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
