were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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