The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
