so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
