Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
