I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
