That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
