Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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