I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
