There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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