I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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