i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
