I need to stop coming to work sober
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
