Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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