So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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