you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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