Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
