Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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