Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
