This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
