apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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