So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
