I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
