when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
