He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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