Having a random hookup so left but love u
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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