u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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