Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We were destined to go to rehab together
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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