I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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