She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't think brook has ever known best
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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