3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
