Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
