Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
