My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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