Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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