i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
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it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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