its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
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