i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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