Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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