giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
