dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize