Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
