if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
