Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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