I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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